Sunday, June 2, 2013

Loss

What does it mean to miss someone? Have you ever been driving down the road and thought that your car sounded funny? Well, what do you do? Exactly what I did a few days ago, probably. I pulled out my phone, hit the contacts button, and clicked 'Dad' and put it up to my ear.. I waited.. waited.. and then it hit me... Dad can't answer my phone because my dad isn't alive. My dad has been gone for seven months tomorrow and ill never see him again until I'm in heaven. That's the kind of statement that is almost impossible to understand. It's not fair and it definitely doesn't make any sense. It's the moments like that- when I feel like I can just drive to my dads house and go see him- those are the moments that break my heart all over again. 
Why did cancer have to kill my dad, of all the dads there are to choose from? Why mine? Why did cancer have to take my sons grandpa the day he was born, when there's tons of other people it could have taken instead? That's the question I want somebody to answer. I don't understand why cancer chose him. 

The moments I have to stop and take a breather... Those happen a lot. I'll step outside and see my dads truck in the driveway and think he's here. I can hear his voice. His laugh. I can even smell him sometimes. I hope those never go away. 

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